i had these great plans for my new year... most of my resolutions were to be about my health... Quit Smoking, eat better, attempt exercise (groan!)...
yeah... none of that has happened so far.
BUT...
I've made new resolutions.
I am re-organizing my life.
All of it.
January is now cleaning month.
I have been ripping apart all my closets... packing up all the clothes that don't fit... There are a lot of clothes that don't fit... Before Griffin was born I was a size 4. Post Griffin I was a 12... which stabilized at an 8 after a year.
This year I get sick.... I'm now a 2.
So, I had clothes from size 2-12 in my closet....
I donated everything larger than a 6.
I come from a pack rat family... (on both my mother and fathers side)
I refuse to become one of them... but, you can't fight genetics.
"my crap has crap"
(that's what my mother says)
but this is the year I fight through all of that.
I am purging.... simplifying things.
My theory is that organization will bring me enough balance to tackle my health like a grown up...
because I'm not ready yet.
I started smoking when I was 12... (some of you know the significance of that age for me... and those who don't... use your imagination, it was BAD.)
I have used smoking to tackle stress my entire life...
I am afraid that if I give up my vices at this point, I won't be able to handle things the way they are... but if my life gets more organized, I should be able to focus my OCD energy on maintaining an organizational system rather than smoking...
but first, I have to write the system!
I am proud of my accomplishments so far this year though!
I have cleaned my entire bedroom and closets!! and I'm almost done with griffins room, and the Scrappygiraffe supply closet- which up until this week was my 'walk in' closet in my bedroom... but I got rid of 80% of my clothes and STUFF... SO I got a nice new closet to store all my other STUFF in!!!
***HEALTH UPDATE***
heehee...
Remember the Nasty Bacteria that was living in my stomach... the one that I needed to take all the drugs for... the drugs that made me sicker, and that i had to go into the hospital to receive them...
Yeah, well, I don't have the bacteria.
Never did.
and people wonder why I freak out when I have to go to the doctor.
So back to square one on my tummy.... and I have a colonoscopy on the 24th, along with a biopsy of the thing that's growing in my stomach...
I still have to be on the pain killers for my joint pain, and I have to go for a bone scan this week. I haven't had one in a few years so I'm sure the osteoporosis has set in by now... I tested in the severe osteopenia stage when I was 19.
After they get the test results I should be able to switch to an injection pain killer that I'll only need once a week and won't have the sedating side effects.
Dr Mc.Housecall has volunteered to do the injections ;)
Jon is back to his normal self now that the holidays are over, but, I have lost my faith in this relationship and have allowed my mind to slip into the "He's just my roommate" state of mind...
yikes. but enough about me.... How are you?
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5 comments:
Damn girl, that's why I don't like doctors either. I hate going to them. I don't know what to say about the osteo scan, I do pray your health issues become manageable and the pain lessons.. much better if it goes the hell away. You're in my thoughts.. hope the purging is a cleanser for your soul and helps make life easier! Oh yeah.. I started smoking when I was 12 too... might be for the same reasons. :(
Aw man...that stinks about the health stuff - I'm praying that you'll find "The" doc who will really get it. Not a bunch of guessers. In the mean time - go for the purge...it's good for your soul as well as your life.
Donate away and teach Grif while he's young that it's just stuff. Is your new 'simplify-me' resolution your block with J too? Maybe you're simplifying that part of your life too?
I'm so proud of you!! It will all come together~you can't give up everything all at once! Big hugs and I hope the health issues FINALLY get resolved soon! The stress of that would make me OCD if i wasn't already wink!!!!
I can't beleive the "experts" screwed up. YIKES! I'm hoping you find the one good doctor who has a clue. He (or she) is out there somewhere!
I am with Chara, I am proud of you girl. You'll get it all together yet. Your strong.
12 was a terrible age for me too, smoking was the least of my problems too. Sigh. But I managed to stop it all, so I have faith in you.
If you need some extra closets to clean out, my casa et su casa!!!!
I hope it all works out with J. We all need love in our lives :).
Oh man. I love how you write your stuff out. It's like sitting on the couch with you. And you've inspired me. Really. I too (even though I'm older than you for sure).. just do not feel up to, or old enough, to dealing in a grown up way, with being sick. I think I too need to reorganize. I can't describe my basement to you. It's an albatross around my neck. It's what I wake up with in the morning. It's chaos, and it's draining my energy. Energy I could be putting to better use.
I also did some new years resolutions. Lose weight. Put on weight with being sick. (steroids). Put on weight when I quit smoking. I also started smoking when I was 12. A story there too, you can believe. (isn't there always a story?) Put on weight when my joints said.. NO, you can't do that. So.. I need to find a way to *do that*.
Btw.. I love being on your team. Really!
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